to do

an anxious scoop. I think about gayle, about the peasant (self-given name), about the one who's not like us. they are all big hearts in my life, but they and I are anxious-making combos, and I like to live without it. maybe there is only one person with whom I am truly close & we get it & move on together. I suppose I am afraid of them & feel like getting away forever from them. this passes. but I am a turmoil bubble. this is time moving fast, and dead stopped. go to do to quit avoiding to avoid the bedlam.