I get you, boi

(from 12 february 2013, but thought it out too much)

Don't break me down I been travlin too long

I have nothing but they have cardigan envy. You ever smoking and you think you'll cough it all up, all your innards and all your everythings?

Sometimes I get smart, and I say no. Sometimes I quit just when I start. Sometimes, I haven't a choice! You are all very different.
One of the loneliest things you can ever do is to imagine what someone thinks about you

you we I they us them me

things we know about me

I am over 28 years old

I listen to a lot, way too much lana del rey

I never ever take off this synthetic olive cardigan that andy gave to me after we broke up for the third but not last time, thanks to sentiment & the smell it's developed & the fact that it looks incredible with all of my clothes

I got jeans, I wore them for three days

I got my period as soon as I put on the jeans, so I didn't feel like I could really return them

I learned to crochet & I like to make these "statement necklaces"

I love the snow, I think it's immaculate

I haven't left my house save once where I tried to be out there for over two weeks

I have had this french braid in my hair for over a day

I wish I had winter boots

I want the strength to go to the clubs, but I'm scared of what I'll do once I get there

I won't kiss anyone until march or april, I think

I won't fall in love in Idaho

I am getting lazy again at work, but I can't find a new job because I won't

I have a chipped tooth, and it worries me because it means I am falling apart

I have been good since I told myself to not talk, I haven't really

I don't expect anything of anyone, anymore

TOday

Luckily I got something new at christmastime, a new dress with dragonfly print & it hasn't come off since, can't. When you go to bed dressed you wake up so. Easily, with layered tights & socks kicked off beneath the soiled pink wool & soiled down & soiled 500-thread-counts. Never to sleep without someone in the proximity, but keeping a dog as a wall between he & me. Everymorning waking up before dawn, yawning wondering, whose fingers are these? whose knee haphazardly pushed in the crook? 

The colors of my hands, royal blue chips, the copper, puce, cadet blue. The cardigan accused of being 'mustard' when mustard just isn't olive. The forest green. I crocheted a shoelace; they thought I was out of it. The neon baby stuff I have around me, the notion that honey in my espresso is what's for me. I am learning to devour a little. An omelet here, a slice of green pepper/jalapeno there. The cans all aligned on my perfect big table. I want to write about the internet, because it is finally immanent. I think that could be somehow even boringer than this all.