new orleans

the universe is trying to tell me

the universe is telling, urging me

that here, it only gets bad before it gets worse

that these brainjolts are the spark

because, come on now I'm an engine

  so

let's hotbox the cadillac

let's mildly check that sunset from a cornereye

let's put those rugs we found in the upper upper cabin bedroom

  on the 200 yr floors in our new apartment

let's ride the goddam streetcar

admire the great muddy

crack exoskeletons in the dingy dim dreamed-of divebar

curtains of smoke drifting lazily

we'll sit around, sit about

we'll sit all over the place

fantasize about the escaping from city life

eating sandwiches on pontoons

we'll meet fat new bugs

and that rich-weather

the I'm-holding-you-now weather

let's choke on humidity

on coffee by the emptying

let's fishtail around the festival goers

and get wealthy on bourbon

let's get tall

taller than whatever buildings

and we'll crush the catacombs & crypts

slaughter the sarcophagi 

mush the mausolea

turn bones to dirt to under our fingernails to our mouths in our gullets

& reproduce it all through our skin

respirating 

and then we'll watch a jazz band

  and we'll make fun of the saxophone

and we'll hear some blues on the street

  and look wildly about, calling out names

and maybe we'll drown

or blow away

or 

or

or

maybe 

  maybe we'll really like it there

the smiths

dear diary

it's the last night at gayulz club. i lit the last smoke with the last match, am drinking the last gold beer. reel around the fountain is playing, i'm on sparkleporch, room empty but for floorbed and table, box & lamp. for the first time i can fit my clothes into a dresser, i'm suddenly dismissing & emptying. it feels almost just right. & the new room is a tall rectangle, animation blinds. i'd have to show you! come over, there's a joke closet. the stuff i keep is adorable. i'm writing full sentences, now. 

   oh just set up a table. oh just do it. the things are right, a rightbrain is you. many congratulations to strange summer. my brain is coming tiedyed, i fell out of bed twice. say something you've never said. 

   i got to hear about the bigger things, the deals of those i love. everyone is asuffer. i am a little perspective. you are a little. she is big to me, he is to me. may! you are a pretty month, in your surprise-destruction. you never do this before. i'm wearing the hat you left in the cushions. she said what to do with sad t, sadly folded reading only to keep, and i said don't tell me about it just put it somewhere. so who knows about that? mementos try as kill-futures. i didn't have a bad time,

   here at gayulz club, life was supposed to be a spa. we would steam everynight, and waltz out onto the patio in robes, reeling in the spring fall winter night, have a cocktail, rub lotion on i guess, nails.

   it would be soup & slowjamb sundays, which we did for awhile, so much soup & people would come and they'd eat it & compliment us, and we'd dance to toni braxton etc.

   last week i discovered that my office was on the patio, cushion seat near the ground, the small desk, & opposite, the job interview swing seat, you could meet 2 at once. A typewriter if necessary, plugins everywhere, & even an assistant in a clever white collared top (sassy) with imbedded black vestlet. she can't bring coffee or file or write because she hasn't opposable thumbs, what she's useful for is telling you when someone's arrived to see you.

   i am excited, i am looking at it, i will miss you gayulz club. i have moved in & out of you 3 times, this final forever no more. it's a relief. glad i got to sleep outside in a bed in you, so happy to have met all the ghosts here, & to have showered occasionally & painted the studio so it could be looked at. leopard carpet, marble bathroom. kevin over the fireplace, dumb dumb dumb