decembme

with a whimper. I put down the meusli, I put down the grapefruit I halved (done right) because it tastes bad to me, or it's from texas, or, or, the beans in my stomach making puff puff at me. I think all the herbs from all of the world come into me through the nostrils down the throat. I lost my appetite because you thought I might drive round the crescent to fetch you at 8:30 drop my hat, take you to work, did you stay up too late? oh no, did I should rescue you? I am not that me, anymore. it's december, let's get up. this is pretty real, in me. growing back your bones, we see with it in them now.

farawayapology

me, able me
me avoiding you me
I
ornate headdress
of emblazoned silver coins welded,
like the ones hanging in the carpeted booth of iraqi battle garb that one time I'm london smoking hash, gettong hiton
exemplar of exoticism
obscuring faces
I said, are you sad that I'm leaving
and you said yes, but this isn't written to you
I am writing, no I am thinking of you
I want to drive down the hill to the gasstation by the sandcliffs to talk to you there, I am sad that you're not
like he is, when I won't be
& I want you
to want to know everything. onlyuidred butdw fixszzcnallyzz like that.
I was drunk, not crying
but I was crying when you said you'd be sad. you're thinking of your parents, losing their minds
walking to the store for some scotch
getting lost on the way.
take the car away, sorry.
I learned last night
that the year my grandfather died
he was driving down bogus basin road
with his brother in law riding in the scrub seat
and the red jeep ended
upside down in a ditch
john would have been confused
and bruce would have been bitching
Goddammit! Watch my goddamn legs, you're hurting me! griping all the way to rescue
I'm griping towards rescue, I think
I'm guilty that I'm not here anymore, for you
I am a sorrygirl
but I am displayed allover
displaced thing
timing it to find
my parts in ditches, in ancient across-the-world rugs
behind weighty masks
an old kid
in a beatup wreck