on not getting real

how many daze
what happens? in july
what happens when it is suddenly subtle sad breakfast & walking to the river in the heat becomes tedious & tiresome
stop by a greencovered pond, a pretty mossy blanket teeming truly,
to say, We have to keep walking, I'm angry, I'm not in the water
and we got to the river, saying, Sorry for being an asshole
& you underbreathing, I don't care, or Whatever
sitting apart
wondering if we are..., if we are near enough too much
some silence
is this the sad starts
saying, You're leaving really soon.
I know. so. is it?
are we going to be? are we holding hands, will I reach constantly for you? is it growing
on me
in that sort of way?
the good admittance
the reaching around for arms
measuring limbs against mine
length of brown forearm & mine
You know my body intimately
Don't you know I'm all legs?
spidery, leggy smooth thing
Feel this branch, instruct
worn away, green & fresh
rub on it together
I'm just moving in
later, the big dipper barely hazes over
I am good at the sad afar, keeping it
somewhere in some future
for now, just brains simple enough, bodytruth
plain beauty
nothing further
no worryables
these are the subtle anxious dudes in us
acceptances, all of the who-cares whatevers
  to share

spice juice

give the length of a sip trying for sun,

the grass always an unnatural shade

faster and fast crawls across

this time of day, meaning, this time of today

or a similar time, but yesterday

oh accidental chives!

oh concrete cubbyhole!

  & the waving nylon slap, whoosh

oh waving onomatqxrzzzdrzzzfzxzZ (onomatopoeia) 

red, always the dull sunworn red

  on flag day

on your staggered haphazard white poles.

pour hours into your glass

heat to serve it to leave it to cool

the tops are for you, they froze for you

finger them out, thumb them loose

they move away from your touch instantly

cringe away the cold, frozen moment

but thumb them, finger-to-mouth them

make them last till 9

with its highwilling sun

and longmoving shadows

 watch melt it

gather your hair in your hands,

  sunset glimmer grass of heat

  grass of heat of head

  mow your head in the sand

   guzzle your years by your roots

     melt melt melt drink

 do,

      only finally but

get out of me

I have too many romance words falling on dead ears

there are about a million 

of you

I'd whisper to

I keep urging to suck out my pretty whispers

but

maybe I'm urging too hard?

or

maybe my whispers are prettyless

or

maybe all of the millions x 2

ears on you 

are really truly dead ones

we're in the heat of summer

we're in the heat of bummer, now

  but actually, this is a total joke

   totes jk

hey

  hey

    hey

        wish I could make it tonight, for your performance

o imagine how I'd perform tonight!

  if only I wasn't

   just starring in this

    own boring show of mine

98∘

I came home from work and I looked at the backyard of gayulz club

and I was like

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK this place

it's so dirty & gross here, god

and I looked at the bed I'd made & slept in, on the cement

and it is covered in little gnat corpses and little pollen flecks and sticky matter

and I was even more disgusted

but here I am, sitting

I cleaned up cigarette butts

beerbottles

beercans

a can of diet coke? whose

an empty pizza box

and I said, You know what, Molly?

and I said, WHAT, Molly??!

You deserve some WHISKEY, gurl

and I was all, YA I DO

so I got on my bike & rode my ass down to the liquor store. It's really hot out.

The temperature clock says almost 100

The internet says it's 92 degrees.

Remember that boy band

Nickey saw a pic of them these days

what, it's like 20 years later or something

and she said, Gross! they are so gross and OLD now

and I'm like Ya, why would they let a good thing die

which reminds me: remember when Jessica Simpson ballooned to like 150 lbs

and everyone freaked

bc it's Jessica FuckingSimpson

and she's hot, so how did she get so FAT

omg, did Nick Lachey leave her, you think

I don't even know

I need to look at more mag covers at the stores

I came home and I thought to make myself a cocktail

where's my cocktail?

I thought I really need a cold cocktail, I'll use the martini shaker

put in some ice, some ginger syrup, a little lemon juice, some sparkle water

and then I noticed it!

a single watermelon beer

and I was like

Why would I ever maudlin-exclaim that life sucks?! No way

it's even better than whiskey right now

in 98∘

Nick & Jessica, forever

fat or thin

gay or straight

geniuses,

I hope they made it
in all this heat

sitting casual before bedding true enough

prettylittle 9 - 14  

       

He just sitting casual makes me from parts into a whole

within windows & radiated anymore.

Enjoying I think the condition of being so collected.

Yours and maybe you I want,

if I should ever be to commit here in the light.

Ahead of it this anxiety-feeling I’ll just call of hostility

while in a daze for you.

Mine is to see & feel ecstatic,

to make awake to be whom I will,

immediate.

An attack, killers to kill each. Obvious. They are, prompt, & being. You never see, actually. 
In response you are awake & throwing still. Probably never I can see the readiness & you suddenly feel that too much. In my life from where I’m sitting formal, suddenly into sleep.

To talk to him… I only think I see speech especially. Your wisdom okay for that truth. Why aren't you oratory in nature? I remember that there is no reason to talk, to please. I want to make: that heat running me up & down. 

Now forget that plans for us wait. Denoting the talk, he... I. 

Love bones. 

People exist for this. That contains, it will get hot enough to have. 

Of course I’ve the upper teeth to blow through

it’s fun to won’t, 
it’s black, 

with you a consonant through at me. Get in bed

and for that, just for us to foam on our tops. Pronounced when my head reaches to. 

Enter tip of tongue, temperate as the gazing fact: 

I’m sitting alone, at or on or near this ridge

the sun. And the hands on him now be large. 

Ameliorate! the sun, hips to go against, 

I keep thinking to make something care. 

Waist, neck, and everything attempting. Someone will see better. 

I’m sweating myself a finger behind the ear. 

At just this moment find me. Amity explosive. 

Stroking a stubbled chin it would be interesting. 

Grease congeals me cleft to lower myself to myself and 

begin anathematic. To this and then that, 

the most useless of positions

strange & heated.

Relating. Spills drips down goes away and 

he shouldn’t be given me his conversation. 

Something me, onto me. 

Remember me with me. 

Vehement, hurry, before I bed true enough.

"from the ground" in subtle listening, an ode to

keep your floor warm. keep your soft rocks ready. keep your hair down. keep the keys down. keep the wet away, keep the peach in heat. keep your fingers tap. keep your ears uncovered. keep your dreams down. keep your smile on the ground. keep that ground an old secret.

Hot to it. / Fall summer. a melancholy feeling

songs of yesteryear:


2007, 1 september

Hot black rooftop on A view. for miles the skyline, clear in a thin blue veil. perfect from afar. Lovely cloud puffs and delightful blue sky. This heat’s too perfect and lonely, it burns my legs just laying next to it.




2006, 1 september

Fall a feeling morning I dreamt being somewhere standing closely but not touching, or maybe touching but not kissing awoke so clear and real melancholy a summer.