can't crush your dreamz

I had to run home last night from the bar
and by run I mean melt-stumble
and by home I mean the car
and by last night I mean very early this morning
I didn't order any drinks, drank water for hours
but I got time-lapse wasted on the tequila we drank in the car while listening to Nickey's summerjam playlist called "niki". we chased the tequila with
1. an old tasteless apricot, textured like vomit
2. a pistachio
3. soft huckleberry wine
I was on the back patio of the bar, the front was offlimits for us
it was being haunted by many ghosts
ghosts with eyelashes & concave chests & doublechins & combovers & depressants
I got up from the table, I was alone
buttice had to watch the punkband
I can say buttice's name, here because he'll never read this blog
I got up from the table because I was drunk & tired
and I knocked over all of the furniture
and I bashed shin to fence
and I was glad no one was around, I'd of been 86'd for sure
I wished we were friends
that our hugs weren't forced, or awkwardest
bc I'd nosed his neck before
but that was may. remember may?
I'm a way bigger care-less, now, anyway
but still trying to be care-full
I crashed in the car, woke up to mosquito bites all over
I guess I'm ready to be swamped
I'm ready for someone to call me
lovely, or wonderful
but the former is my word, the latter yours
& I'm becoming jaded by inventions
so I'll recline in the whip, with the dogs, with the bugs
with oilhair in my brain
tearless. I don't readily cry about it anymore.
& my own detachment from sadness
might be even sadder to me
than all of the sadness I've been desperately trying to dissolve from me.
you JUST can't win?
  lol

urchn

turn it around, make me a 

winter king

look who's queen, now

sidewaysing each other

sideswaying, flutter your eyelashes now

hot puffer, flyabover

be a don't 

be a don't bother

be a don't, bother to

be a don't, bother to be

be a don't, bother to be there

I'm a sad

I'm a sad kid

I'm a sad kid don't

I'm a sad, kid don't try

urchin

 urgin

puuff 

 puufff 

  paassssssst

impulse $$$

it was a sad summer

their names were vermilion beard, sad mouth

it was a sad fall

their names were aubergine hair, squishface, eyelashes

it was a sad winter 

their names were eyes

it was a sad spring

their names were hipbones, limbs, flesh

a bag of lemons is a bad sign is a bad notion idea indication

"if someone takes your idea it isn't really yours"-  go to work

"if I am the only one alive I am all of the life"-  go write in your diary

do you remember when we ate mushrooms

and that kanye song, all of the lights 

showed up

and I fell into your sob shoulder

and you asked me to tell you why 

and I said, it just reminds me that everything is as bad as it seems

did you know that kim kardashian has ballooned to 220 lbs since getting pregnant?

that she has ballooned to such proportions that kanye will no longer speak to her?

I read this off a magazine at kmart two weeks ago

when Nickey & I were buying toilet paper

and she desperately wanted a pop tart

so we were looking among the magazine racks for impulse buys

we thought pop tarts would make a pretty good one of those