confidence mustard

christmas 2013

I did the same thing they do, how many years, teens in the street, thin merino wool caps and northface jackets, shiny pillow coats filled with weightless goosefur. gray earlynight light, bald trees and trees few in leaves, silhouetted always, for daily we're twilighting. the dog moans, the house is empty save for us. all of the windows seem uncurtained, meaning there are curtains but they're heavy, and folded or shoved away, impossible curtains. I'm leaving Idaho in the morning.

I just gave birth

I just gave birth and I'm high as fuck
hell yeah I wanna party
well I want to sit in the sprinkler in front of your house
I want to bring you a card on the front of which reads,
You made a choice
and inside
But it was a child, it wasn't actually a choice
you are actually my inspiration
and now, my thinspiration
imma take some tit pics
& take them to LA
& be like, Dr please, I'd like these ones
oops I didn't finish my beer before I opened another one
Does that mean I'm doing this right?
we're like real babes in this world
the real natural babes
doing what we want
how we'd like to
stuff in, stuff out
let's get those good drugs
let's put them all over us, in us
let's rocket ourselves
enunciate our worths.
I love you
I love you
I love you
& I'll never tire of saying it.
I know you're the best
so here's to years and upwards of forevers together
  to never letting the parasites in our brains
   to never have any unworthits about us
       four more years
   to fortymillion more years
that's the fucking love about us
 

the real really happening

The new day, old songs. Is it easy to tell, now? Until tomorrow. If it has been at least two weeks, and untrustable they are to bring the truths to us. How truthful is enough. How much does one say to make another comfortable. How often does one say it before lying. How likely am I thoughtless of the others. How deep am I swimming in it. How much does he mean it. How real is really happening. 

Gravity, and the slides in my head through the night. I dreamt of charles last night again; it had been years since we've seen one another, and he lived in a bus or a plane where I peed on the carpet, then shrugged it off coffee spilt from the real gray cup from which I absolutely drank throughout the short night... here there was also a tiny espresso machine... and he familiar height & body of years and years and years. I kissed myself upon waking.