blanket

millions of pillows, windows open
  we have had an excellent try, molly
  we went to a movie
it was made by those who brought us the twilight saga
  bc all I wanted was some icecream
  to solve my 29yrold headache
I brought the leopard lisa frank blanket
  and I wore it to my legs
  and snugged with my milkshake.
I sat with nickey, and britta, and that tall one with the sparse face hair
  and the long feet in long shoes
    that's my favorite thing on him
  besides the 13 inches he stands over me
but he doesn't know me very well
  he had changed into a handsome date sweater
  but I'm guessing he rarely wears it
    rarely dates in it
we didn't hold hands, or touch or anything
in the car we leaned toward one another
  with a seat between us.
he knows enough, maybe
  like that I won't ask
                 I won't try
who knows, can you hang?
  I had a crush on him because of 7th grade orchestra
  he played stand-up bass
  and I was usually last-cello
    so I'd get to sit by him.
  he never talked to me or looked at me.
he was a skater boi
  he'd dyed his hair black and he'd headbang while he played.
  he doesn't remember the jr high me
    so is it cool or not
that he wants to hang 17 yrs later? with old-new-me
  I guess
    I live in boise, so
on our first date we went to the gasstation
  there were 5 dudes, all posing toward various audiences
  one bro was absently chewing a box of nerds he was about to purchase
  and I was able to look around at each of them
  bc none would make eyecontact with anyone
he bought me one of those giant glitter-fleece roses
  and he held up the line while he filled out the card
  he spelled our names phonetically
    which I found pretty endearing
       even though the flower is hideous
         and it makes this gross crumply sound when you spread open its petals
  I guess when you want to be a good date you do things like that
I had a dream I was going to nebraska
  and someone said, I heard you got a bus ticket back
  are you really sending me a mixtape?
  is it going to be a lamentable one? are you an across-the-country date?
  is that something to look for
when I came home, I asked my new landlady
  how she felt abt overnight dates
  she really doesn't like the idea
no smoking pot
  no sleepovers
     is this the kind of adult I'm expected to be?
fun
  I guess at 29 I'll become like you, then
paranoid
anxious
and lonely
with no one to share
  my millions of blankets with

a million bucks

thank you for the invitation

  I woke up with flowers in my eyes

  something happened when I was asleep.

  what happens when one is asleep?

all of my millions left me

I was knocked at the knees and 

all of the change

  is in gutters around.

    where are my shoes?

     where are my cadillac dreams?

        where's my word of today?

perfect

  mercurial

I was trying to flirt yesterday

  with this miniature bikejock

     he asked if the tunamelt was poisonous

I said, Hey guys, mercury is in retrograde right now

  so it's left the giant tunas of the world

  sucked back up into the atmosphere, right?

I mean, that's what that means

  I want to empty out thermometers in you

  I want your insides to burn sizzle out

    or is that mean?

I had a million bucks yesterday

  and I blew it, on a couple of things I wrote down

  on a drawing I made.

I felt the soft edge of some bend

I felt me pulling round it.

but dream memory

  and reality sad come by

    even in my silk vermilion blouse

       and the woolen plaid & everyday's tiedye

         I am still a solid wish 

                        a wonder

                         a so very solidly disappointed

I'll break my own record

  it's a tedious thing
  
   and what's left

                   but to wonder at         disappointment

there's nothing to be done with it

there's no effective

diss
diss
diss

chasttity

 will I ever be as pure as you?

I have had sex with over five million people

I could name them all on

the worl'd

on the longest paper

I could write a continuous manuscript

on a roll of parchment,

but does that change it 

but doesn't that change it?

filled with all of the sorries

doing the let me explains

urging the hear, here's whies

switch ears, I'll give another

moral blunder

your pink holes

in your pink head

there is always a you, you

and it is about you

but

we like it when

the you changes

and you are you a new you

and the you doesn't hold

to the things about me, you know

and I hold to me

and you hold me like me

like the millions have held

like I'm held in the millions more