farawayapology

me, able me
me avoiding you me
I
ornate headdress
of emblazoned silver coins welded,
like the ones hanging in the carpeted booth of iraqi battle garb that one time I'm london smoking hash, gettong hiton
exemplar of exoticism
obscuring faces
I said, are you sad that I'm leaving
and you said yes, but this isn't written to you
I am writing, no I am thinking of you
I want to drive down the hill to the gasstation by the sandcliffs to talk to you there, I am sad that you're not
like he is, when I won't be
& I want you
to want to know everything. onlyuidred butdw fixszzcnallyzz like that.
I was drunk, not crying
but I was crying when you said you'd be sad. you're thinking of your parents, losing their minds
walking to the store for some scotch
getting lost on the way.
take the car away, sorry.
I learned last night
that the year my grandfather died
he was driving down bogus basin road
with his brother in law riding in the scrub seat
and the red jeep ended
upside down in a ditch
john would have been confused
and bruce would have been bitching
Goddammit! Watch my goddamn legs, you're hurting me! griping all the way to rescue
I'm griping towards rescue, I think
I'm guilty that I'm not here anymore, for you
I am a sorrygirl
but I am displayed allover
displaced thing
timing it to find
my parts in ditches, in ancient across-the-world rugs
behind weighty masks
an old kid
in a beatup wreck

worst

a woman came into the coffeeshop yesterday,

with the depressed boring mid-forties guy

who part-combs his hair on the right, which is supposed to indicate something about his personality:

 we suspect he's a highly visual, musical, pictoral person, & feminine

and he has large wire-framed glasses,

and a nondescript buttondown shirt.

They always come in together

he pushes her wheelchair up to the counter, he stands behind her

she makes the difficult choice to order as she does always, an ice t,

maybe a stickybun.

He regards her impatiently, black coffee. They pay separately & sit at a table together & never speak.

I like to imagine that they are a couple

but that he didn't know what he was getting into,

she seemed so great at first. So uncomplicated

Or, or... they're both musical geniuses, but she was taking his spotlight

like in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

and he ran her over with his car

and has to take care of her for the rest of their miserable lives.

But, she's probably his sister

and she lives in the samaritan home

and he takes her for a fucking ice t every monday

She was wearing shades yesterday,

sortof big black moviestar shades

and she always has on these athleticlooking gloves 

so she doesn't get wheel-burn

& a thick black knee brace

on her thick doughknee

It was hard to make out her shirt,

smashed, as it was, beneath her breasts

and faded, she's had it awhile

but on it read

SARCASM (& in ornate script, the thesis) just one of my many talents

& I was like, o damn,

I guess they got me