brand new balcony

let's get marrowed

dreams not talk, but I have that fresh air

 a fan blowing around you

I dyed the pillowcase blue

it's so pretty now, it looks like cloud springsky behind those little blue flowers

it's funny my immediate intentions were

 to send the pillow in the post immediately

 to pillow you

 but I got greedy

 and wanted to roast in the gone-scent

it's funny, I wish I would have 

 a non-pillow

but I've the bedding to change

because we're never rollin in the club, here

closed ∞

  get yer coats on, take the shit out of me

  the balcony closed even to girls, now.

over the winter the sparkleporch, attached directly to the cougar den which is the vip lounge of gayulz club 

  closed to men

  not because we're inherently sexist, here at gayulz

  but because boys in the balcony ruin it

  make it dangerous

  it just took two bigbodied slams to unhinge the thing

  and it became girls only.

it's like the balcony of the club parked in front of Kyle's

  balcony party

  girls in the back

  like six chicks deep

  could.

I like memory

  it's like a bite

  or sometimes a cut or a bruise or a break

  then a veil

  and a thin little blood vessel

  or a juicy foods

but I'm digesting at every turn

and ingesting them all to marrow me

hardening the arteries of my softbod

the uncut fruits of our little labor

the smiths

dear diary

it's the last night at gayulz club. i lit the last smoke with the last match, am drinking the last gold beer. reel around the fountain is playing, i'm on sparkleporch, room empty but for floorbed and table, box & lamp. for the first time i can fit my clothes into a dresser, i'm suddenly dismissing & emptying. it feels almost just right. & the new room is a tall rectangle, animation blinds. i'd have to show you! come over, there's a joke closet. the stuff i keep is adorable. i'm writing full sentences, now. 

   oh just set up a table. oh just do it. the things are right, a rightbrain is you. many congratulations to strange summer. my brain is coming tiedyed, i fell out of bed twice. say something you've never said. 

   i got to hear about the bigger things, the deals of those i love. everyone is asuffer. i am a little perspective. you are a little. she is big to me, he is to me. may! you are a pretty month, in your surprise-destruction. you never do this before. i'm wearing the hat you left in the cushions. she said what to do with sad t, sadly folded reading only to keep, and i said don't tell me about it just put it somewhere. so who knows about that? mementos try as kill-futures. i didn't have a bad time,

   here at gayulz club, life was supposed to be a spa. we would steam everynight, and waltz out onto the patio in robes, reeling in the spring fall winter night, have a cocktail, rub lotion on i guess, nails.

   it would be soup & slowjamb sundays, which we did for awhile, so much soup & people would come and they'd eat it & compliment us, and we'd dance to toni braxton etc.

   last week i discovered that my office was on the patio, cushion seat near the ground, the small desk, & opposite, the job interview swing seat, you could meet 2 at once. A typewriter if necessary, plugins everywhere, & even an assistant in a clever white collared top (sassy) with imbedded black vestlet. she can't bring coffee or file or write because she hasn't opposable thumbs, what she's useful for is telling you when someone's arrived to see you.

   i am excited, i am looking at it, i will miss you gayulz club. i have moved in & out of you 3 times, this final forever no more. it's a relief. glad i got to sleep outside in a bed in you, so happy to have met all the ghosts here, & to have showered occasionally & painted the studio so it could be looked at. leopard carpet, marble bathroom. kevin over the fireplace, dumb dumb dumb