I had to run home last night from the bar
and by run I mean melt-stumble
and by home I mean the car
and by last night I mean very early this morning
I didn't order any drinks, drank water for hours
but I got time-lapse wasted on the tequila we drank in the car while listening to Nickey's summerjam playlist called "niki". we chased the tequila with
1. an old tasteless apricot, textured like vomit
2. a pistachio
3. soft huckleberry wine
I was on the back patio of the bar, the front was offlimits for us
it was being haunted by many ghosts
ghosts with eyelashes & concave chests & doublechins & combovers & depressants
I got up from the table, I was alone
buttice had to watch the punkband
I can say buttice's name, here because he'll never read this blog
I got up from the table because I was drunk & tired
and I knocked over all of the furniture
and I bashed shin to fence
and I was glad no one was around, I'd of been 86'd for sure
I wished we were friends
that our hugs weren't forced, or awkwardest
bc I'd nosed his neck before
but that was may. remember may?
I'm a way bigger care-less, now, anyway
but still trying to be care-full
I crashed in the car, woke up to mosquito bites all over
I guess I'm ready to be swamped
I'm ready for someone to call me
lovely, or wonderful
but the former is my word, the latter yours
& I'm becoming jaded by inventions
so I'll recline in the whip, with the dogs, with the bugs
with oilhair in my brain
tearless. I don't readily cry about it anymore.
& my own detachment from sadness
might be even sadder to me
than all of the sadness I've been desperately trying to dissolve from me.
you JUST can't win?
lol
