I fell in love with this surrealist painter
he was my height, 100 lbs,
and I could pick him up & carry him over my shoulder.
he would laugh a lot, it didn't bother him, I guess.
he wore polyester printed largecollared shirts and a grubby fedora
and he had a shady dali mustache.
the first night he spent with me
was the night I punched my best friend in the face.
we were fighting & I demanded a cigarette so she threw it across the room
so I punched her in the face.
I'd been punching and getting punched a lot, those days
just being drunk, just for fun
but she didn't think that was very fun.
she had a pretty good black eye
and she wouldn't talk to me for a week.
the boy & I took a turn punching each other that night, and laughing
I gave him a shiner, too
but I already had one
from the boy I was already in love with, the boy who drove me to indianapolis.
the surrealist painter & I fucked a lot
we fucked on the roof of his friend's house
before playing poker with pennies.
I won that game, it's the only time I've ever played poker
so I am undefeated at poker.
before we fucked on that rooftop
I'd had to remove a tampon
which I left, as a sleazy fuckplace marker.
we climbed down a ladder into the kitchen
and I won $1.33 in pennies.
he was a drunk guy. the first alcoholic I'd ever loved
and when it got bad, when this tender genius would get wasted
he'd slur
and fall around
and I didn't like who he'd become.
his skin was yellowish.
he told me he wanted to cut back.
I learned to cook for him. I wanted him to eat something besides hot dogs,
but he didn't care what he ate.
I started riding a bike,
because I thought I could get some exercise into him
but he didn't care about that.
he didn't care about anything.
when I told him that I loved him
but we couldn't be together anymore
on account of his broken promises
and failed endeavors
he said, Okay. that he knew I deserved better.
he didn't put up a fight.
he moved away shortly after, he couldn't hold a job
but he made a beautiful painting for my birthday
which I left accidentally
in my basement.
