this morning I am

I'm the type who puts the caramel in the coffee in secret, and in doses so small the doses are invisible. It's the kitsch outfits all lined up from bottom to top: silver shoes for dancing, soft-shoe style, though I haven't seen it. I get distracted when I think of shoes and end up looking at them for days, and now I have three documents to write about it all. Moss-green tights accidentally bought, footless, and some cheap fake-denim number withe elastic waistband perfect for sitting here & not walking, not moving because I've pain in my uterus, or in my ovaries, where little cysts grow their little houses. I want to move in. And upwards, pictographs, and an indian-head cardigan. Nailpolish remnants like lichen on tips of fingers. Open something else up; wonder who will know about any of it.

Do you see how that went? how in the morning, early like this, drinking the coffee & sitting half-outside, I'm wandering, two eyes different-pointing, directionless. The familiar music, the familiar mood of the familiar mind, doing its memorable thoughtless moves through.

and there you are

dear diary


I don't! So if she does, she does. Yes! & almost nothing better than. Listening to (don't look back in anger) oasis with kycraw, and he is there, red scarf tied around his head. are we the only ones here, he asks. I'll bet oasis is more cohesive than smashing pumpkins, he says. 11 seconds. Nice nice nice. Now the verve pipe. do you remember? the freshman? do you ever ask aloud walking with friends on the sidewalk when will i fall in love? & some laugh, or shake heads singing the stupid stupid lyrics. you will, you say. I will! you say. we must have listened to the alternative rock station at the same time. I swear by punctuation, and I yell around inside with the dots, the dots, the tailed-dots & little lines & &mpersands.

hahahhahahhahahhh runaway train never goin back wrong way on a woneway traq

boughtaticket 4 a runawaytrain, like a madman laughingattherwaine
sorry, we fell asleep and fall began! the worse-life nightmare


goodnight, and nice to see you
yours,

words of the day

It isn't so long ago, and there are enough to do. It has been awhile! I know, but then you have to get opportuned. & can't ask. Following the only question without crushing it. I wonder, and everyonceinawhile receive a clue that I am not the only danger the world has worried. I think I am almost as tall as you! Capacious, long-dogged. Captious, capricious. Some of the things I know right. The making of mayonnaise, the charred perfect. The ownership of being older. The repeating of your self-affirming mantras... just ten seconds, and you're mine... And I will repeat myself, too. To just let me agree, as far as it takes.