on dying

Good work we, us. The matutional song lighting the road and my own mind wandering along with the ta-hoo, ta-hoo, ta-hoo of the singers in tallest branches. Letting the pink-tufted trees guide me. Taking the mind out of everything, not letting. The things never to say. It's too late at night to let open a mouth, set forth the ends sharpened. With only the strength of a gentle beast on me to warm me, the memory trying to drain down till gone. But too much doubtfuls.

It's we from the branches, inevitably

prettylittle 88 - 91

It’s we from the branches growing forth! I can go, I've resolved. You’re the best thing, you get me inspired to sleep. I really have nothing more to plot.

I love you so I work pleasant. I’m too happy to have anything to say. Climax I don’t want to live without, and we’re close for our bodies tend to be right now. Events denude you… But eye-contact and you still are really more pure & naturally. I took to deprive of time, with the afraid, remorseful, amazing something... We’re different now, and I know we’re speaking intensely, physically. I get to stare at myself, to strip at certain points things of which I’m sure; illness & depression uninspired in the mirror, all surface layers needed desperately. Nothingness after.

Avoidant the whole time, bare by erosion, with you and death and in need of pruning too, which is always fun. To strip you fully, showering, I can’t wait to look.

Land of forest, a deep breath and it relates. Keeping a mirror at my bones. As we pass by her eyes for a moment, I quote a pet, old and grimed: poking through every denuded woods, I can’t justify what I’ve done… I’m unafraid. Long since mossed over. I’m starving, you know. Depurative. I know well that I have a new grave and so it goes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------- epilogue

O, how much I bathe! Caring, younger & younger. I'm killing the point, purifying me; I try not to be. Solemnly. I’m a purgative love, jealous but celebratory. In renunciation, inevitably. All the hope for me.

<no title > (3/6/10)

march fifth march ?

As promised, the old men provided. It seems it’s been years, days even. So he came and went again,  N---- was an hour late. And truthfully, two weeks pass without my noticing. this time I want to stop thinking altogether. I smoked cigarettes and looked at the sliver of a moon. S-------- is about to start band practice. Accepted, Finally he arrived. All four members. but then I became angered and hurt. I cringed. I feel vaguely excited, proclaiming to everyone there to ease me and humor me a little that I got dumped by the oneeyed cowboy. I could see him through the dashboard window though I know I laid in bed last night, and he was smiling, nearly stress-sick and stoned anxious. But then he came like a fool in love. Thinking about things I already know… he and I looking close touching knees, His old, wrinkly face all folded up on itself. I said to myself after leaving J--- apartment yesterday, hands at the bar, He held my hand for a moment. That was pretty hard to say aloud. And he saying he still was smitten, It’s so nice to see you, and maybe an exaggeration that we have an undeniable chemistry; and then he does a 27-point turn and we drive along. still truthful in some cringeworthy way.

he hopes to know me forever… He puts on Bob Dylan and pulls over. Simply and without demeaning myself, We get to the truth. It’s a small repetition. He wants to fuck me so badly And children running everywhere. boring, patterns are redundant which I of course knew. The 16-year-old girls are dressed. cycles are cyclical, belly shirts and short plaid skirts and butterfly wings. and everything is inevitable.  But we like each other, dancing and making out. insert a triangle with shirtless boys. from smoking a cigarette in J--- living room  I kept insisting. As soon as he hears the music, laying in his bed and listening to records. he is afraid of the pain. N----begins to move his arms and legs about, to the Polish restaurant for breakfast. Doesn’t know that all this could and should end up in torrential heart-shatter. very much like a giant wooden bird.

while still highly enjoyable, Pains. I run away, turning into a set of regular events. But then since seeking desperate solace in something, each leads to the other. it was a blissful night, All the skinny girls are throwing up their drugs. They have their intense superiority (at times) over other singular events. we took a car from the bar just at sunrise. I meet two physicists. and examples of what could happen when A--- called and we could all see the halfmoon from various windows

(london stories, 2006)