acetaminophen

there are so many other words I'd have used

let's get real

it's still thanksgiving

you know thanksgiving, the whole day you're thinking how you want to break up with your boyfriend. do you ever look at yourself

and not out of self depreciation, or self pity

you look and you think, now honestly

let's be real

how do you like me? what have I for you? and there truly is something, then, isn't there. isn't that something. so driving around new orleans on a cold day, and tearing up with headcold, and disgust and fear and hate for someone to love, and the streets are bare and cold. I like that everyone seems to have a place. too many places for us. it took hours to finish the cranberries, the green bean casserole. aunt sue always calls them greenie beanies, which I'd forgotten all day. 

I'm going to wake up tomorrow    a  new   woman   I think

I can be so mean, I can be so very ugly

  you're right about that

on not getting real

how many daze
what happens? in july
what happens when it is suddenly subtle sad breakfast & walking to the river in the heat becomes tedious & tiresome
stop by a greencovered pond, a pretty mossy blanket teeming truly,
to say, We have to keep walking, I'm angry, I'm not in the water
and we got to the river, saying, Sorry for being an asshole
& you underbreathing, I don't care, or Whatever
sitting apart
wondering if we are..., if we are near enough too much
some silence
is this the sad starts
saying, You're leaving really soon.
I know. so. is it?
are we going to be? are we holding hands, will I reach constantly for you? is it growing
on me
in that sort of way?
the good admittance
the reaching around for arms
measuring limbs against mine
length of brown forearm & mine
You know my body intimately
Don't you know I'm all legs?
spidery, leggy smooth thing
Feel this branch, instruct
worn away, green & fresh
rub on it together
I'm just moving in
later, the big dipper barely hazes over
I am good at the sad afar, keeping it
somewhere in some future
for now, just brains simple enough, bodytruth
plain beauty
nothing further
no worryables
these are the subtle anxious dudes in us
acceptances, all of the who-cares whatevers
  to share

get out of me

I have too many romance words falling on dead ears

there are about a million 

of you

I'd whisper to

I keep urging to suck out my pretty whispers

but

maybe I'm urging too hard?

or

maybe my whispers are prettyless

or

maybe all of the millions x 2

ears on you 

are really truly dead ones

we're in the heat of summer

we're in the heat of bummer, now

  but actually, this is a total joke

   totes jk

hey

  hey

    hey

        wish I could make it tonight, for your performance

o imagine how I'd perform tonight!

  if only I wasn't

   just starring in this

    own boring show of mine

must b i been smokin 2 long

it's all going to be alright
you know
(you know, come on you know)
oh no.... the whitest singing the blakkest
is this a problem, no no no no
I'm raceless, racest
rapeless
What how can you just throw this word around? I think I have learned to text away too proud.

I'm sorry
no no truly
I am sorry,
I never should have pointed you here, to me at me with me. I wish I could be smoking
oh shit
is it happening
is it here
is it true
is it real


so are you?