velma

I love this name
it's like velvet
it's like crushing old
it's so labial
elllmmm
elllmmmm
it is my mother's mother's name
it's Kyle's mother's mother's name, too
it's the answer to some official security question we have in common
I never met her, Velma Sullivan
she died in her early 40s of lung cancer
my uncle had just joined the mormon church
& he wanted to convert her
in her dying hospitalroom
which pissed her off
and it pissed my mom off, too
my uncle's wife and some of his daughters just recently left the church
the wife left her husband
and probably some of her family, too
which probably fucked up the family band they all played in
no more angelic female vocals
no more angelic female fluting
all that's left is an acoustic guitar and some manly drumming, I'd guess
I don't know if Kyle knows his Velma
but I'm jealous, if he does
but I guess we'll probably have a daughter one day
and we'll name her after them

WHA

To quote Candy Crowley, life is hard
To quote the bulldog with feather headband poster,
smile... it could be worse
Naked from the waist down
reading More, the magazine for women with style & substance
Real women with Real hair
fierce hair
rape victim, whistle blower
mother, teacher
sister, helper
tough fashion divas
monsels
peroxide
lidocain
sterile water
sutures
syringes
chux
lap drapes
must have fall looks
color! blossom inspired hues
re ersing the body's signs of aging

i love this place

mothersday workday everyday

today a guy came into the coffeeshop and said, Happy mother's day

and I said, Thanks, happy mother's day to you, too

and he stalled and said, But you don't seem like-

-The mothering type?

and then I told him that I am actually the Mothering Type

but I didn't tell him how I try to take care of all of the kids

I let them cry, and I keep a dryface

I let them rain for hours on the phone

I let them rain in the rain
and I shed nothing

bc I am Trying to Take Care of Someone,

sometimes.

I didn't tell him that I will hold you with patience

even through a shakesobfest

which I too have, at strange intervals

like behind the espresso machine

or when I look at the shitty art in the gallery at work

or when I ride my bike, listening to purity ring

bc I am Trying to Understand how to Care for Someone,

sometimes

when it doesn't want me to

today a very old man came into the coffeeshop and handed me a pink carnation

and he said, May I give you this flower?

and I said, smelling it, 

Of course you may, thank you

and I didn't do what I was urged to at the moment

I didn't fling the pink carnation at him, announcing,

The last person who gave me flowers 

BROKE MY HEART!!

lol

I wish I would have

it would have ruined someone's mother's day, maybe

but who says he deserves me to ruin things

who says you need me to ruin things

who says I need you to ruin me?

No one would say that

that's retarded

we can't

ruin

each other, we're not big enough to