because everything destroys

a man came into the coffeeshop

and I force-smiled at him as I gave him his coffee

and he said, What a great smile!

  and I was uncertain

  was he serious?

  did he not see my almost-cry?

and then he said, You must be having a great day.

before he left he told me that my smile was the best part of the whole experience

  and I wanted to punch his face off

a trio came into the coffeeshop

a massive stroke-victim in a wheelchair

  asking question after question

  his dainty, birdlike hand turned awkwardly on his knee 

  he sort of demands an avocado sandwich, which we don't have

  and as he's asking questions, an uncertain woman comes to the counter

  so I take her order

while she's ordering, the child with the wheelchaired man

  interrupts to ask if we have banana bread

  and we don't

I tell her to hold on.

  while I'm helping the other woman,

a man with a thick german accent pushes up to the counter

  and asks if the pork sandwich 

  is served hot.

I have to tell him to hold on.

I have to ask all of these people to stop interrupting each other

  and the man in the wheelchair makes me want to cry

  because his left side is so soft, saggy, delicate

  and he is so demanding & angry.

I wonder, would I be, too

  I am going on a very long vacation starting now

I have no idea to where

  or when I will be back

   or if

    bc we're 28 yrs old still

     & I'm not too curious

a million bucks

thank you for the invitation

  I woke up with flowers in my eyes

  something happened when I was asleep.

  what happens when one is asleep?

all of my millions left me

I was knocked at the knees and 

all of the change

  is in gutters around.

    where are my shoes?

     where are my cadillac dreams?

        where's my word of today?

perfect

  mercurial

I was trying to flirt yesterday

  with this miniature bikejock

     he asked if the tunamelt was poisonous

I said, Hey guys, mercury is in retrograde right now

  so it's left the giant tunas of the world

  sucked back up into the atmosphere, right?

I mean, that's what that means

  I want to empty out thermometers in you

  I want your insides to burn sizzle out

    or is that mean?

I had a million bucks yesterday

  and I blew it, on a couple of things I wrote down

  on a drawing I made.

I felt the soft edge of some bend

I felt me pulling round it.

but dream memory

  and reality sad come by

    even in my silk vermilion blouse

       and the woolen plaid & everyday's tiedye

         I am still a solid wish 

                        a wonder

                         a so very solidly disappointed

I'll break my own record

  it's a tedious thing
  
   and what's left

                   but to wonder at         disappointment

there's nothing to be done with it

there's no effective

diss
diss
diss

"from the ground" in subtle listening, an ode to

keep your floor warm. keep your soft rocks ready. keep your hair down. keep the keys down. keep the wet away, keep the peach in heat. keep your fingers tap. keep your ears uncovered. keep your dreams down. keep your smile on the ground. keep that ground an old secret.